We all have a perception of mom, momma, and mother and how they will defend you to the death, always be on your side right or wrong and support you no matter what happens in your life. We all know that mothers are not alike, not the same strength of will, not the same supporting nature and that some didn’t want you in the first place and won’t let you forget it.
What about the mom that planned for you, wanted you and nurtured you, loved you, in her way until you got a serious girl friend? Well this is my story and these things have happened to me, just an average guy working for a living, and may have just discovered a new life.
When I turned 17 I had a serious girl Friend, a steady, and I was very happy with her and she was very happy being with me. All this happiness must have upset my not so happy mom and she wanted to darken the bright horizon of the love that was so near. Mom would say things like don’t get that girl pregnant, she will try to trap you into marriage that’s what all girls try to do, girls are dirty (physically). She treated my older brothers wife in the same vein during there relationship, which has lasted more than 30-years.
Mom barely spoke to T and we dated for 5 years and were married for 5 years. When the marriage ended it was a very bad deal for me and I was completely devastated yet within 2 months mom and T were talking and within weeks after that they were having lunch at mom’s house, real buddies. I was so confused, mom could not utter a kind word or thought where T was concerned, while T and I were happy for 10 years and after T crushes me mom likes her?
My younger brother suffered the same fate and has been married for more than 20-years and mom had a good report with her sons but treated their wives with disdain.
Two years after T I dated and married J with the same results, mom treated her badly and in our fourth year we had a son, mom had a grandson, surly she would “mellow” toward my wife, the woman I loved. But noooo, mom got even worse toward the mother of her grandson, who she loved, and treated J as a second class outsider. J decided she liked another man better than me and when our son was 8-months old moved in with him and as you may have guessed, mom called her and invited her and our son to visit.
Mom treated her very well after she moved in with another man and treated the guy well too. Mom barely spoke to me and never invited me over for lunch or to console my pain. What she did do was have both my Ex wives over and introduce them to one another. Now there were three women having lunch, going shopping and going out to dinners only having a relationship with me in common. I wonder what they discussed.
While the three women were enjoying each others company I had a life to put together and ever the optimist, met, dated and married S. S had two children from her previous marriage, we had a daughter the first year of our marriage and we raised a family for 19-years before S decided she liked another guy better than me. About the same time they broke it off I found out by my daughter telling me her mom had a boyfriend.
Mom passed in May 2004, so she just missed having another friend to add to her circle of my heartache. However, during my years with S mom and I were estranged because she would call my home, and not talk to my family members with any common courtesy. She would not even ask the children how they were doing and I was fed-up with this treatment of the people in my life that made me happy. We had a very difficult pregnancy and mom was not interested in visiting, not even after the birth of our beautiful daughter.
I composed a 4 page letter to mom expressing my feelings over her actions with my Ex.’s and the mistreatment of my current family and asked that she not call unless she could be civil with whoever answered the phone. I never heard from her again, she never called and I did not call her. Mom only saw my daughter one time as a baby and never again for 19 years until her death this year. My daughter never spoke to her grandmother, barely knew she existed although I did show her pictures.
I regret not having a relationship with my mother for all those years but my family and happiness counted and should have been at least tolerated by my own mother. She loved her sons and openly disliked anyone that made (makes) them happy. My brothers put up with the abuse for years so they could have a relationship with mom and they never had Ex.’s for mom to befriend.
My children and stepchildren are raised, mom is gone, third wife is gone, dad is ailing and I have no relationship with my brothers. I am 50- something and starting over one more time. I have a wonderful “girlfriend” though and will not stop looking for happiness and at this phase in life pleasure. This is my time, I am now only responsible for myself and do not have to worry about others so its time to be pleased.